When I Killed My Father by John Byrne Barry

Author:John Byrne Barry
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: end of life euthanasia death dying assisted suicide family drama Chicago
Publisher: Page-turners With a Conscience Press
Published: 2019-10-26T00:00:00+00:00

27. I Forgot

University of New Mexico Hospital

Albuquerque, New Mexico

July 2, 2008

Lamar looked out the window at the university soccer fields, where students were playing under bright lights. He would not hold Janis’ hand. He couldn’t.

They had pumped Janis’ stomach in the ER, given her activated charcoal through a tube, and strapped her to an IV with saline and electrolyte solution.

An hour and a half later, she was awake and animated, and had been moved to a room on the fourth floor.

Still shaken, Sierra sat by her bedside, holding her mother’s hand. She had saved her mother’s life. After Lamar had called 911, she had taken charge, shaking Janis, dragging her out of bed, directing Lamar to help walk her around. They were holding all her weight at first, and her toenails dragged on the floor, but then Janis woke up and took a couple of steps, just before the paramedics arrived.

Lamar was relieved Janis had failed to kill herself, but furious that she had so obviously timed her cry for help for the day her daughter arrived back home. So Janis. So hostile.

The takeout from El Patio sat in white bags on the window ledge. What if they’d had a flat tire, or stayed longer in Madrid? He was hungry, but couldn’t eat. Too much bile in his belly.

Was this about punishing Lamar for moving out? Why would she punish Sierra? He often wondered if there was more going on with Janis than depression because she always managed to muster enough steam to stick it to Lamar.

He was not going to let Janis derail his life.

She said it was an accident. That she didn't mean to take so many pills, that the drugs made her dopey and she took more without realizing. That was her story. She repeated it for the nurses, the doctor, even for the aide who brought her chicken soup and crackers.

She sipped the soup from her spoon, then put down the spoon and slurped from the bowl.

Sierra wanted to know why she took sleeping pills when she knew they were coming with dinner.

"I forgot," she said.

"You forgot," Lamar repeated, but he didn’t turn from the window. Let the hospital shrink ask the questions.

Five days later, the psych ward released Janis to her daughter and her dog, and a promise from Lamar that he would visit her three times a week.

He was not moving back home.

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